Happy New Year 2018

I have been reading some of my old posts today.  It is so interesting to see what my life and thoughts were just three years ago.  I was in a completely different place in my life. If someone had told me that in 2018 I would be on a year long sabbatical I would have thought they were crazy!  However, this is my new journey that  feels like the right option for me.  The reason I need a break is as follows:

1.  I had stopped enjoying going to work and found the corporate world to be full of busy work that added no value to society
2. My daughters dying words were "I wish you didn't have to work so hard".  These words have haunted me for the last six years.
3.  I realized that I am not responsible for other people's happiness.  It is time for me to focus on my own happiness.


So what am I planning to do in 2018?

1. Learn to sell things on E-bay, Flea Markets, Garage sales, etc.  I want to get rid of the extra clutter in my life and use the money to buy fabric!
2.  Spend time with my aging father. He needs me and I need him.
3. Try to figure out how to make money using my love for creative things such as sewing, painting and writing.
4.  Learn to spend less but live more.  I need to learn how to have fun without spending money. Perhaps my first lesson will be how to survive on $50,000 per year and fill your days will fun and interesting things to do. This will involve the following:

• Going to museums
• Going to the library
• Going to free classes at local businesses
• Going to national and state parks
• Taking a walk
• Riding a bike 
• Playing tennis
• Visiting friends and family

Who Cares?

Last night I dreamt that I was auditing a balance sheet and the equity section of the balance sheet did not work.  The shares outstanding times the value of the shares was greater than the amount of equity on the balance sheet. I spent hours trying to figure out what was wrong with the numbers.  Did I have the wrong number of shares? The legal documents clearly stated I did not.

Finally I woke up and said to myself "who cares?" I am focusing in on something that doesn't matter. I have spent the last thirty years of my life focusing in on things that have no value whatsoever to the mission that I have on this earth.  I don't know what I am supposed to be doing but this is not it.  I hope that I find my calling this week.

Living with Gratitude

I just read an article that stated that when you are grateful chemicals are released in your brain that make you feel better.  The process works as well as taking an antidepressant. I believe that information comes to you at the right time just when you need it.  We have been experiencing some bad weather the last couple days and I always get a little down when the sun is not shining.  I am going to try this gratitude idea.

I am grateful this morning because:

1. I have a great job working with people who are really nice.
2. I have a wonderful and supportive husband who lives to make my life easier.
3. I have five wonderful grandchildren who light up my world whenever I see them.
4. I am hosting the book club tonight and get to meet with my new friends from Riderwood.
5. My parents are both alive and still able to tell me they love me.
6. My children are doing well and making me proud every day.
7. I am making new friends and reconnecting with my old ones.
8. I have the time to pursue my passions and love how creative I have become.
9. My house is clean and my bills are paid!

Marriage

Today is my 34th wedding anniversary.  I can honestly say that my husband is my best friend. He is the only person I feel totally comfortable with.  He knows what I need without me speaking.  He knows when I am happy and when I am sad.  I can tell him anything and he will not judge me. I love this man with all my heart.  Happy anniversary Steve.

Being Vunerable

When I entered the workforce in 1980 women were expected to act like men. They even dressed like men with expensive suits from Jos. A Bank.  We even wore a tie just like men.  This was so confusing for women like me who were raised by stay at home mothers.  Unlike my male counterparts I had no role model for how to survive in this strange world of work. I felt very unsure of myself and eventually left the cut throat public accounting world to work in a place that felt more comfortable. All throughout my career I was afraid that people would find me out.  I didn't know enough, I wasn't working hard enough, I wasn't worth what I was paid.  I could not ask questions for fear someone would be on to me.  I finally realized that it is o.k. to be vulnerable.  It makes you a better employee and a more likable person. I am no longer afraid to admit I don't know something or I am nervous about something.  I hope I can set an example for other women.  We can be ourselves and don't have to be like men if that is not our nature.

The Voice in My Head

I was reading a book yesterday that discussed the voice in your head.  I have a very negative voice in my head.  Always telling me I need to be more, do more, have more, etc.  The trick is that you have to learn to treat that negative voice in your head like it is a third party. Pretend it is not connected to you. It is hard to do.  Just remember, the voice in your head is not real.  You are much more than the voice.  I wonder if you treat the voice in your head like a small child, providing comfort, encouragement and love if it would start saying wonderful things instead of putting you down.  I think I may try that today.

Live like a Three Year Old.

I spent the day with my three year old granddaughter Kaelyn yesterday.  This is always a wonderful experience because she is so thrilled to do any activity.  I wish I could get that excitement back. Live life as a three year old.  To them every experience is new and exciting.  Every task is work repeating to see if it can be done differently.  It does not matter if you are good at something, there is no judgement. They don't care what others think.  Let's try to get back to our true nature and work on doing things just to enjoy the process and try new things. Let's stop worrying about whether someone will think you are weird for doing what you are doing.  Its not their life, its not their experience, its yours. If you want to try something don't let other peoples opinions stop you. Jump in and do it. Start having fun today!